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Whodat sighting in Decatur,TX Guess what I saw with a $700 sticker price (masking tape sticker price)? THE WHODAT!
News Release API Dallas, Texas 10/09/99 Joseph Tokarz, 73, of McKinney, Texas was arrested and is being held without bond in Ore City, Texas on several parole violations and newly filed charges stemming from incidents at a recent motorcycle rally at Lake O’ the Pines. A jurisdictional dispute has also arisen as his furlough from the Texas State Mental Rehabilitation Home in Terrell has been revoked and he has been ordered to return for completion of the botched lobotomy attempted recently by Dr. H. R. "Thumbs" Johnson, also of Terrell. The trouble started when Tokarz created an early morning disturbance on the newly formed Who Dat? Corporations’ only asset - a highly modified custom prototype motorcycle, known as the Who Dat?
The rare machine, heavily damaged in the resulting carnage was reportedly worth several dollars (US) and was also equipped with the Corporate Race Department’s only complete "Limp Noodle" Race Kit and "Dragging Nike" Racing Brake (Pat. Pending). Criminal charges were already pending after it was learned that Tokarz, during the previous evening’s fiasco at the Beer Barn in Jefferson, had totally spent the proceeds of the "Golden Parachute" settlement from his former position as Wireless Communications Cable Puller. Said funds having been earmarked by the Who Dat? Board of Directors to replace a seriously binding throttle cable on the Who Dat? prototype. Parole violations were uncovered that had resulted from conviction after the prior year’s false advertising and dirt kicking debacle involving an innocent Minnesota native searching for an ATM machine in the Tokarz clan’s clearly and feloniously mislabeled campsite, also rumored to be a front for the Polish Mafia. The morning’s difficulties began after an emergency meeting had been assembled of the NTNOA’s Executive Council and Tasting Association where Tokarz (now former NTNOA President) was censured and ordered to begin drinking even more beer and to start using serious drugs. This was a public relations ploy adopted by the Council, desperate to find a plausible excuse and explanation for Tokarz’ rapidly worsening behavior. The previous day he had been seen tipping over two Port-A-Cans (occupied), spud-gunning an old lady in a row boat and stealing a T-shirt from the renowned Peckerhead Motorcycle Racing Team (it was too small so he waxed the Who Dat? with it). Tokarz, reportedly furious at this turn of events, donned his famous "Silver Chicken Comb" racing helmet, mounted the Who Dat? prototype, fired it up and roared off screaming "We don’t got no steenking ATM machine!" and "Evel Knievel is a woosy"! Speeding through the still silent campground at a reported 11 MPH, he soon re-discovered the binding throttle cable, lost control and sent the skidding, screaming Who Dat? careening into a bystander’s campsite. The startled, hot-coffee drinking occupant of a fireside lawnchair barely escaped with his cup and his life as Tokarz, by now totally wild-eyed, foaming at the mouth and screaming "They’ll never take me alive!" impaled the new Big Kmart lawnchair and drove it smartly through the gentleman’s fire. Laughing maniacally, he then shed the lawnchair and promptly screwed himself and the Who Dat? into the red dirt. Damages to the sleek red motorcycle have been estimated at $.16 by a local junkyard operator. The innocent camper, hospitalized with serious crotch burns has been upgraded to fair condition. After arrest by local Deputies Bubba Johnson, Bubba Jones and Bubba Smith, Tokarz was booked by Sheriff Bubba Peterson and arraigned by Justice of the Peace and Amway Representative Lulu May Fredricks, wife of "Used Tires R Us" proprietor, Bubba. When asked by telephone for a comment, Tokarz’ wife Bev (just returned from her lawyer’s office) only said "Well, it’s really been a strange marriage and I’m keeping the damn Square Four with matching luggage". Further comments were obtained from Tokarz’ Grandmother/4th Cousin Ethyl May "Boom Boom" Tokarz, proprietor of nearby Daingerfield Florist, Bookstore and Lap Dancing Salon: "That boy was never quite right after he ate all that plant food when he was 3 and then again when he was 6. I guess he really cain’t help himself. But he was a mean little shit too! One time he cut the pockets out of old Uncle/1st Cousin Once Removed Bubba Ralph’s bib overalls. They found poor Bubba Ralph later that day, dead in the barn. Took that undertaker three days to get that smile off’n his face and they had to have a closed casket service too, if you know what I mean". "After that, he put Preparation H in Great Aunt/2nd Cousin Effy May’s denture cream, then hired her out at the kissing booth at the KKK’s Tolerance Day Parade and Fund Raiser. That worked out OK though, ‘cause that’s where she met her new common-law husband, Grand Dragon Leroy "What the Hell Am I Doin’ Here?" Washington." "We’ll miss little Joe. He didn’t scratch much and he was sure funny." See accompanying article regarding the Who Dat? Bikini Team. "Who Dat?" Bikini Team API - Dallas, TX 10/09/99 Although Joseph Tokarz, 73, of McKinney, Texas vehemently denies it, the ladies of the newly formed Who Dat Bikini Team & Poetry Society swear that having siphoned off approximately $22.50 from the NTNOA Lake O’ the Pines proceeds, he hired them to help promote the soon to be released line of Who Dat custom motorcycles. The adjoining photo shows the ladies of the Team in repose after a recent practice session where they had performed newly written promotional cheers. Although sound equipment was not available at the time, the team did provide a transcript of their latest cheer:
"That Joe is just the cutest thang"! Copyright © 2000 NTNOA All rights reserved. |
